Never EVER Follow the Crowd ...

I've never been one to follow the crowd.  In fact, I'm usually the one who suggests the trouble we find.  I'm just not brave enough to go through with it.  At least until the day I found out my best friend (we'll call her Jane for the protection of all involved) was getting married.  Jane is the most sensible, quiet, level-headed of our gang.  The type of woman any man would kill to bring home to his mother.  So, we decided a wild romp was exactly what she needed.  Being the crafty crew we are, we booked a weekend away (again, no mention of where) and tickets to an all-male revue.  You know, the hot, sexy young men who gyrate in front of you in nothing but a sequined g-string.  Buns of steel and looks to kill. 

Yum. Yum.

Perfectly harmless fun ... or so I thought.

The weekend started out fine until someone (no names, remember?) decided to open the complimentary bottle of wine in our suite (how did that get there, anyway?)  The next thing I knew, we were sitting in the club, being entertained by shiny, buff, extremely-talented young men.  My favorite was the policeman.  His handcuffs were the shiniest.

As he slung his billy club, I felt a nudge beside me.  "Here, Mia."  Jane handed me a twenty.  "I can't do it."  Did I hesitate?  NO!  I took that twenty, marched up to the stage and showed the sexy officer just how much I appreciated his civil service.  Unfortunately, all that gyrating made me dizzy.  Or maybe it was the wine.  Anyway, I excused myself and headed for the ladies room.  Halfway down the hallway, I ran into Sergeant Heartthrob himself, guns-a-blazing.

     "Are you lost?" he asked.
     I hiccuped.  "No.  Are you?"
     He smirked.  "Where are you going?"
     "The ladies room.  It was here the last time I checked."
     "You are lost," he said.  "You're backstage."
     Fire burnt my cheeks (or was that hormones?)  "Oh, God."
     He took me gently by the elbow and nudged me back the way I came, turning left this time instead of right.  I think.  Whatever direction it was I ended up in front of the ladies room.
     "Thank you," I said, desperately wanting to disappear inside.
     He turned to leave, shining his fabulous assets at me.  "No problem.  By the way, thanks for the tip."

The moral of the story:  Tipping a policeman could turn out to be an (cardiac) arresting experience.

Don't forget -- I now have two books available for download at Smashwords !!! Leather, Lace and Rock-N-Roll (http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87362) and Outspoken Angel (http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90312)



Quote for the week:  Friends are like bras:  close to your heart and there for support
                                                                                              ---Anonymous


Until next week,

Mia

© Kutt Niinepuu | Dreamstime.com

Outspoken Angel is Now Available

Surprise!!  Surprise !!!  Outspoken Angel (Cameron's story) is now available for download at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90312!!!!  And for friends on my Facebook page and followers of my blog, I am offering a free download coupon to use at checkout.  The coupon is good for 48 hours.  E-mail me at mia_dymond@hotmail.com to get a coupon code.

Thanks for reading!!!

Mia

Why Romance Heros are One in a Million

If you follow my blog, you know that I am a contemporary romance novelist; an opportunity that affords me ample opportunity to create darn near the perfect man !!!!   So that said, I've come up with the top fifteen (15) things a romance hero would NEVER say:

1.    Men are not mind readers.
2.    Learn to work the toilet seat; You're a big girl, if it's up, put it down.
3.    Shopping is not a sport.
4.    Crying is blackmail.
5.    Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
6.    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
7.    Anything I said six (6) months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
8.    If you think you're fat, you probably are.
9.    If it itches, it WILL be scratched.
10.  You have to many shoes.
11.  Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do I.
12.  You can either ask me to do something or tell me how you want it done;        
        not both.
13.  Men see in only sixteen (16) colors.  Peach, for example, is not a COLOR.
14.  If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
       want to hear.
15.  When we go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine .... REALLY.

By the way, my novel is available for free download at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87362.  Take a leap over there and check it out !!!  And, my second should be available within the next couple of weeks.  Although it will be a paid download, followers here and friends on facebook can download it free for the first few hours.  Check the blog and facebook page for announcements!!

Until next week,


Mia

There is a Diagnosis for My Condition

Today I discovered I am disabled and I have never been quite so relieved in all my life.  I have become diagnosed as directionally-challenged.

That's socially correct for "can't find her way out of a cardboard box".

My  husband took pity on me and purchased my last car equipped with a navigation system.  "Now you won't have any trouble," he assured me.

He even programmed the voice to a nice, smooth, silky, male, Latin tone and "Roberto" and I became acquainted on my next trip out of town.

Never trust a man who refuses to stop for directions.  I arrived at my 2:00 p.m meeting at 3:00 p.m.

"I'm breaking up with Roberto," I told my husband when I got home.
"You weren't listening to his directions," he accused me.
"Oh, I was listening alright," I insisted.  "The problem is that when he speaks, the last thing I think of is direction."

And because the love of my life is just so wonderful, he reprogrammed the voice to a dull, female monotone.

With "Lola's" help, I am healing little by little.  We've become fast friends and she pretty well gets me where I need to go.  She's even sent me solo a time or two, and since I'm such an expert at following directions, we're even discussing the possibility of giving Roberto another chance.

Until next week,

Mia